WORLDS ARE FORMING

Blog Vulnerability: I scream into my pillow.

I'm a mature 28 year-old heterosexual man, in touch with my emotions, trained and somewhat skillful in non-violent communication.  I'm not very aggressive.  I don't scream at people.  I like to communicate and express myself.  Nevertheless, sometimes a man has to scream into his pillow.  (Not cry into his pillow, mind you.) I have three pillows upon my bed.  Two king-size down pillows, and one regular-size foam pillow. 

Somewhere along the way, perhaps in middle school, I was told that screaming into one's pillow can be helpful when frustrated, as a last resort, for a few reasons.  1. Because its quieter.  2. Because it is a good release as a last resort.  3. Because it will make you feel really stupid afterwords, and just put everything into perspective.  I only pull out the pillow scream once or twice a year.

Now, before performing the scream, I made some other healthy decisions: I talked with some friends, prayed, tried to figure out a solution to the problem, even journaled about the situation.  Those were all helpful, but indeed, as a last resort, I needed the scream. 

How to properly scream into one's pillow: 1. Find something to vent about.  2. Throw yourself across your bed (or if you are like me and have a taller bed, throw your upper body upon your bed, feet firmly planted on the ground).  3. Find an appropriate pillow.  4. Apply pillow to face, preferably with arms beneath the pillow to provide a good foundation for a scream.  5.  Scream your little lungs out.  6. Laugh at yourself, gain perspective.  7. Repeat as necessary.

You're probably asking why I needed the scream...

Blog Vulnerability: The Best Part of Wakin' Up...

...is hitting your head against the wall.  Hard.

Apparently, I was tossing around in my bed this morning, half-awake, eyes closed, avoiding imminent wakeage, and wasn't aware of my proximity to the wall.  All of a sudden, I turned my head to the right, and **WHAM.**  I concussed.  I think both the act of hitting my head against the wall as well as the reverberating sound of the thump awakened me.  To make myself feel better, I went back to sleep for juuust a little longer.  Sigh.  It's hard to be me.

Who does that?!  Anyone have any comparable or exceptional stories of waking up?

Blog Vulnerability: I Don't Give Blood.*

Now, before the hate-mail rolls in, let me say this: I usually forget that I actually have blood.  It's not something I think about very often.  So, when I am reminded to give blood by a well-intentioned person, I am reminded of my sin, and my response of diversion is usually: "Ooh, see, here's the thing.  I don't actually have blood.  Cold, cold chunks of ice flow through my veins."  (True confession: I don't even remember my blood type!)

I've given blood before, and I should do it more often.  My hospital experience this summer taught me that blood donations are important.  I would want my family and friends to get blood if they needed it.  I like that people are helped by the giving of blood, I do.  However, for some reason, I just haven't done it for some time.

Today is the Red Cross' Blood Drive at the Seminary. I'd like to think that I would jump up now and go to give some of the chunks of ice which flow through me, but the reality is, I won't.  I don't like surprises, especially when it requires the giving of my precious ice.

Next time, if I see the advertisements up, I'll do my best to do it.  I'll try to give. 

 * I know this is not something to joke about.  I'm just keeping it real.

For Shame.

Shame says: "You are something wrong."  Guilt says: "You have done something wrong."

There is no room for shame in the church.  Guilt, yes.  Shame, no.  How is shame helpful?

My class on Pastoral Care of Men has been attending to the idea of shame in our readings.  I am aware that for many men in our culture, and yes, in the church, shame has been thrust upon them, upon us, upon me, since birth...in both subtle and not so subtle ways.

How many times have you said (and with what tone) or heard (with what response): "Shame on you."  "Have you no shame?"  "For shame!"  "I am ashamed of you."  "It's a shame..." How are any of these helpful?

I'm wrestling with this idea, and am willing to be wrong, but in humble confidence, I am pretty sure that shame has no place in the church. 

Perhaps it is shame that is shameful; shame is something wrong.

Blog Vulnerability: Weakness.

I have come to realize that in this, my 28th year, I am a horrible returner of phone calls. Yes, I'm "that" guy. So, to all of you out there to whom I owe a returned call, my apologies. I am sure that I like you. We'll be in touch sometime soon.

Blog Vulner-bility: My Open Letter to -d-m Cle-vel-nd.

De-r -d-m Cle-ker,

Bec-use of this post on his blog, from henceforth, I refuse to use the first letter of the -lph-bet.

Using -n -ddition-l "-" in one's spelling of the Cle-velnd n-me is so...well...extr-vg-nt, so 1998.  I prefer simplicity. 

-d-m, the bl-t-nt misspelling of my n-me on your little blog is offensive -nd hurtful.  You know th-t I -m just -bout to finish CPE, so I -m re-lly in touch with my emotions.  -d-m, I feel -ngry when you purposefully misspell my n-me.  I underst-nd th-t you h-ve - need to hold some sort of power over me, -nd I need you to never ever do th-t -g-in.  (Or I'll punch you in the neck.)

I -lso feel gl-d, though, th-t I won the Leigh N-sh CD f-ir -nd squ-re.  Through lots of investig-tion -nd persistence, I found -ll the needed inform-tion.  Th-nks, bro.

It feels good to be freed from the tyrr-ny of the first letter of the -lph-bet.  Everyone should try it.

T-ke th-t, Cle-ker.

W-rmest reg-rds,
Joshu- Clevel-nd

Blog Vulnerability: Guilty Pleasure.

I don't want to lose any friends over this.  But...I have a confession to make.

Some nights when I just need to come home from work and veg out, and I've been able to connect on the phone with important people, I watch mindless thrilling television.  Several times this summer, I have flipped through the stations, and have been compelled to stop at a certain Hallmark Channel.  Hey wait.  That's not my confession.  Don't leave me yet. 

Upon this Hallmark Channel is an epic television show, enjoyed throughout the land...and, just as some people do not pronounce the name of the Divine, I dare not write the name of the show here...

Just click on the link below to discover my secret.

Blog Vulnerability: From the Mouths of Babes...

So.  Today, I was picking up and tossing around my niece and nephew, being a good old uncle.  We were having a blast.  Then, my niece had the audacity to joyfully and innocently make the following remark with a knowing grin:

"Uncle!  I can see your fuzzy tummy."

That is to be read,

"Uncle!  I am aware that you have a fair amount of hair on your stomach, and that is hilarious to me."

Sad but true.  That happens as you get older, I guess.  (17 days until the big 2-8.)  Ha.  I love that little one.  So honest.

(However, I can confidently proclaim that I don't have as much stomach hair as this bro or this bro or this bro.  Whew.)

...So here's the deal...

I am feeling very vulnerable right now.

In recent days, I have been sent various emails and have received several phone calls regarding my lack of activity in blogdom.  Some correspondence has been kind, understanding, and affirming. 

Others...have thrown vicious, slanderous words around, saying that I am a "liar," that I "hate blogs," and that I am "losing face in the blog world."  I am so hurt.  So.  Hurt.

Freed From Serving 15 to 20.

So.  I haven't talked about this at all on worldsareforming all semester...just because I really edit a lot of personal stuff on this site, and I don't think it is my style, and well, ya.  But, I wanted to share this, only one time.  Through eating well (but also enjoying what I eat), and through consistent and disciplined exercise, I've lost somewhere between 15-20 pounds since January. 

Feels really good.  Cliche as it is...if I can do it, so can you.